Have you ever wondered how some people float through their daily lives as if they were making love to everything in their path?
Or how we can get better connected and in-sync with our partner(s) in sex?
Or how we can have incredible, primal or cosmic sexual experiences with a partner or by ourselves ?
It starts with getting embodied, meaning dropping down, getting grounded, and experiencing the world from here.
Embodiment occurs as a result from continual practice. It’s not a one time, I’ve got it experience. It’s more of a presence to life, way of living from within the body and it’s senses.
For those of us who live super busy lives and building empires, or just struggle with mind chatter and/or anxiety or depression, taking time to be in our bodies may seem like something that we don’t care to give the time to. I promise you that getting embodied will change your life. You think you don’t have space or energy in your day; however, practice will paradoxically create greater energy and focus for more productivity.
Here are a few of my DAILY practices I engage in to maintain an embodied lifestyle. I do these in the morning and/or evening as rituals to help me not only ground, but also to move any stagnant energy that may be stuck in my body causing dysfunction.
For more on rituals, check out my article The Power of Ritual
Here are a few practices I personally use for increasing sensuality and helping to move through stuck and stagnant energy in the body:
Deep breathing practice
I like to suggest practicing being present with your breathing throughout your day. This helps you to notice sensation of the air as on the inhale it enters in through your nostrils, down the back of your throat, expanding your lungs and belly, and passing back up and out of your body again through the exhale. This not only anchors you back into your body, but you start becoming aware of your body’s experience both subtle and strong.
In sex, coming back to the experience of your breath can benefit you in multiple ways. First, it shifts you out of the mechanical motion of the up/down, in/out, mindless action and slows you down and back into what sexiness is happening right in front of you (or behind you). Second, slowing and deepening your breath contributes to your body relaxing. When you are able to relax, your body becomes more sensitive, increasing your bodily experience in the moment. Synchronizing your breath with your partner can be a powerful way to come back to connection and being in-sync when you’re feeling you’re not together.
Building and feeling for subtle energy flow
Rub hands together to create heat build-up. Now separate the hands to shoulder width or wider with palms facing one another. Slowly draw the hands in towards each other, feeling for a subtle spongy feeling as the hands grow closer together. Now gently pull the hands further away from each other, feeling for some resistance. Slowly bring them closer in to each other. Continuing to feel for the sponge.
This is one of the easiest ways to feel into the subtle energy layers that exist from our body expending energy in the form of heat. Since our body is constantly running and spending through energy by the entire body functioning, we can actually feel into it. Try the same practice and place one hand on your vulva, and the other on your heart. Either place them directly on, or hovering just above with palms cupped. Visualize warm white light or positive, loving affirmations to these places.
Interacting with your Vulva
Everyday tune into your vulva, whether it’s visually viewing her, physically placing your hand on/over her, self-pleasuring, or saying hi. The more attention you give her, the more connected and aware of her pleasure you can become.
Lying on your back with your knees bent and feet on the floor, Start below your sternum, with one whole hand, move down your abdomen with a downward stroke and follow with the other. Cycle one hand over the other and continuously repeat. This will encourage the movement of waste down into your bowels.
Use your fingertips and massage in small clockwise circular motions. Move from the sides of your abdomen inward and downward. Keep it comfortable. Breathe deeply and fully into your diaphragm, feeling for any movement in your abdomen. Next, bring the fingers down a few more inches just around the naval area, again with gently circular movements with the fingertips, massage your belly. One more time place the fingertips a few inches below the navel, gently massage in circular movements. Stay in tune with what you feel here in the belly. Note any emotions or tension held. Actively relax into your abdominal muscles. Gentle clockwork massage of the colon can be helpful in relaxing tension in the abdomen, as well. For a full abdominal massage that can be a powerful release for stored trauma and digestive issues, a body worker who specializes in Chi Nei Tsang (abdominal massage).
Drink plenty of water to flush out toxins.
Embodiment practice can be really fun when incorporating your partner. Check these out!
Feel into: Sensual dance of bodies
Next time you are kissing or being sexually intimate with your partner, take a moment to feel INTO them physically, mentally, and emotionally. Physically feel into them by syncing with the rise and fall of their breath. Maintain gentle pressure head to head or neck inspiring the same gentle pressure pressed back. Physically feel where your partner is holding tension or see if you can bring your attention here to help them release and relax back into you.
Mentally feel for when your partner shifts in and out of attention. Watch that you don’t shame them for this (we are human and our attention wanders), but instead make contact with their attention and draw them back into the experience. Emotionally, can you feel into their current state? Are they authentically feeling sad, nervous, scared, excited? Instead of ignoring what you are sensing from your partner, or quickly moving past it, acknowledge it either through soft eye contact, words, or soft and reassuring touch. Proceed only when you feel your partner meeting you with equal pressure back
Sexual intimacy is like a dance. When you can be fully present and connect into how your partner moves and feels with you, your experience can become more intense and passionate. As your partner moves—physically, mentally, and emotionally—try to move with them and match pressure. Just as my dance partner instructed me to gently press back into his hand as he pressed into mine as he guided my arm around, see if you can stay in the same equal pressure of contact in movement with your partner.
Slow it down
Slow it down, play and explore with slow entry and experiment with consciousness of the pace of entry.
Try focusing on opening the entire body up BEFORE you go for the genitals. Men and women both benefit with greater fully body orgasms when the entire body is warmed and opened through massage or kissing first.
See, hear, smell, touch, taste
Try Eye gazing with your partner while you’re making love, and/or orgasm
Be aware of sniffing the air as you inhale to encourage opening of the nostrils and bring in sexy sensuous smells. Vigorously drawing in air can also bring in more of those sex happy pheromones your partner is exuding.
Listen to your partner’s breath, if you have distinctly different rhythms you’re not in tuned into each other. See if you can find your love by listening for his breath and matching your breath to his .
Touch consciously—meaning, be present in your fingertips as they brush along his/her skin
Taste your lover’s kiss. Be present to the tastes and texture and feeling behind it.
May your days get even juicier and may you live life sensually.